Saying Goodbye Is Hard In Any Language

We recently attended a memorial service for one of our fellow Indian teachers that lost his wife. The two teachers at Madhi had formed a special bond with this teacher, and although we knew that our words could offer little comfort, we felt that our presence would be appreciated. We arrived in Bardoli, not really knowing what to expect, but as we approached the apartment building, we could see people gathered in the outdoor lobby of the building. One could not help but wonder how this experience would be different than what we would experience at a similar service in the US. It is amazing though how a sense of loss reveals our human nature, and that is a common tie that binds us all. It is in loss that our humanity is laid bare, and it is a common thread that unites us all and with which we can all relate.

We removed our shoes, and we greeted the teacher. His eyes had a sorrowful look, as one would expect, but there was a twinkle of gratitude as well. We introduced us to his son, and they were both very gracious as they introduced us to fellow family and friends. The male relatives had all shaved their hair to indicate a severance and remorse for the loss. Wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, friend…..She was so much to so many people, and it also helps us in reflection of what role we play in the lives of people present in our own life. People sat around on rugs comforting each other- crying on shoulders, sharing stories and catching up with others that they may not see very often.

At the front of the room, there was a table with her picture surrounded with some incense and flowers. People would walk by to offer a kind word and to remember the good times and memories of a life that had ended too soon. We were then invited to join in a meal, and we sat on the rugs eating their generous offering. We were offered a spoon and a seat in a chair if we wished, but it did not feel right. We just wanted to blend in, if that is really possible, and not be treated as special guests, but rather as just concerned friends that had come to offer support in a time of grief. After the meal, we visited a bit longer, and then politely excused ourselves. The son escorted us to the bus station to make sure that we got on the proper bus- We appreciated it, but I am sure we would have felt better if he had spent the time with his family instead of making sure we were ok. We explained that to him, but he said his mom would have wanted him to help us. It was a fitting tribute to honor the loss of a loved one, as we can all appreciate how hard it can be to say goodbye- no matter the language.

*Out of respect for the family, no pictures were take at the memorial service.